Some of my friends have been playing one version or another of this game I will call: Who is your secret boyfriend? After Mrs. G full-on invited me to participate, I just could no longer resist.
I’ll begin with the absolute top of my list: Mos Def, a man who is handsome, brilliant, and unbelievably talented. I think he is simply one of the most gifted artists of our time: a poet, a rapper, an actor, and capable of moving me both intellectually and emotionally. Listen to Black on Both Sides; watch Def Poetry Jam; see 16 Blocks.
You can also catch Mos as a regular on reruns of The Chappelle Show, both singing and acting in sketches. Which brings me to Dave Chappelle, who I also love.
I wish Dave Chappelle was my friend. I find him so charming — his mannerisms, his voice, his accented speech, his sense of humor, his taste in music. I wish he and his wife would come over for dinner and crack jokes around the grill while we bumped mad East Coast hip-hop out the kitchen window. He could bring Mos along, we could all kick it in my back yard.
Next up, Mark Wahlberg:
Falls into the category of: just totally does it for me. Don’t know why, unless it’s just the all-American goodlooking bad boy with nice teeth and dark hair. See also, Vince Vaughn:
God, just looking at all those pictures of Vince just now I got a little warm in all my girly places. This man is so sexy to me because he’s not only dangerously good looking, but also funny. I have a serious weakness for funny. See also, Jon Stewart:
Who is funny and smart and handsome. A man with a very engaging intellect and a serious commitment to speaking truth to power. He just melts me with all his self-effacing modesty, his dry humor and lightning wit. And he’s short — short men are just utterly enchanting to me — particularly when they’re smart and cute and funny and really good at what they do. Which brings me to:
Jackie Chan. I read his autobiography, which wasn’t very good, because I am so fascinated by him. He can run straight up a brick wall and balance on a swinging pole on a moving train. His parents essentially left him at an orphanage for boys run by the Chinese Opera. He grew up doing handstands for punishment and other bizarre shit.
I haven’t moved far beyond my my most basic anthropological impulses in that men who are good at physical stuff get me all hot and bothered, even when they’re not that handsome. See also: funny.
For a token blonde I’ll say Leonardo Di Caprio,
although I could’ve just have easily gone with Owen Wilson.
And even though that’s already far too many, I’ll finish with my longtime crush on John Travolta, who I have had occasionally amazing sexy dreams about since puberty:
And ah, what the hell, I also had an amazing dream one time about Chow Yun Fat:
And now I’m feeling bad for leaving out Marlon Brando, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Robert DeNiro, so I’ll throw them in:
Shit, I could go on. When I started this post I was worried I couldn’t think of enough movie stars to make a post, but now I can’t seem to stop. This was extremely educational — I had no idea I was such a Hollywood whore.
9 Responses
November 26th, 2007 at 12:48 am
YES! As I say to the goils, he could Chow my Fat anytime. He has those crinkly eyes… okay, gotta go check out the secret boyfriend thing.
Oh, but the Leonardo diCraprio… I just don’t get it.
November 26th, 2007 at 12:55 am
Okay, I read the secret boyfriend post and am now off to spill my guts all over the Internets. That Mrs. G is a hoot.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:37 am
Hubba hubba…liking your list.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:47 am
This was really fun. I think the secret boyfriend assignment reveals a lot about a person, but please forgive me for saying that they don’t come any cuter than your guy.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:16 am
Hoo boy, that was fun reading. I’d have to fight you for Vince Vaughn though!
November 26th, 2007 at 6:07 am
I’d kick VV right to you on my way to Owen…
November 26th, 2007 at 7:46 am
Okay, I don’t get the Vince Vaughn thing at all, but you’ve adequately explained yourself so I can’t argue with your reasoning. But let me tell you this: I LOVE Mos Def. LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE. And John Travolta? The way that little chin-dimple just coos all the way through Grease? And his dancing in Pulp Fiction? Dear Lord. Talk about warming the southern region…He makes my list, too. And Chow Yun Fat? Yup. He’d be on my list. I may have to make my own list tomorrow since I have a couple not on yours, you little Hollywood Harlet.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:37 am
@ann–Leo is a really great actor, which is an attractive quality for me. He also has this lean (although not so much any more) loose-limbed quality that gets me thinking about sex. And nice teeth, which if you haven’t figured it out yet, is sort of a fetish of mine.
@crystal–yes, my man is ultra-hot, thanks for noticing. that’s just how I roll, y’all.
@aaryn–seriously, Vince? Vince makes my mouth water. It’s all about the mischief, you know? He seems like the kind of guy who could reduce me to helpless giggles while chasing me around the bedroom. And his name is Vince, which I just find so irresistibly macho.
But my love for Mos is pure; he makes my artist’s heart sing.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
[...] then i read this post, which reminded me of it. so, without further ado, i will answer the burning question: who’s [...]
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